#yes I am going to be annoying about this i'm done with this debate and had been years ago before we even had a localization | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

coff-in · 1 year ago

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Coff-in?? Waiting for my response??? HHrrrk I'm blushing so hard rn holy shit Devious Anon is in love <3 Interestingly I think Reader killing Ashley is a possibility, but it's done under very specific conditions—like she has to be sure Andrew wants to kill Ashley before she takes on the job, ergo basically in the vision what I think would happen is Andrew is approaching Ashley with the knife and is visibly debating killing her and then reader kill-steals, kind of. Andrew asks reader why the fuck she would do that and reader replies almost innocuously, "She was causing you a lot of pain, and you would've cried if you killed Ashley, right? So I'll do it for you." She killed Ashley to keep Andrew for herself, yes, but also to spare Andrew the guilt of killing Ashley. I feel like it's harder for him to resent her under these conditions bc yk, he was about to do the exact same thing and she did it for him. NOW IF ASHLEY RETALIATES AND KILLS HER bro I don't think these siblings are ever going to come back together the same again bc now Ashley suspects Andrew and reader of being against her, Andrew has a looooot of mixed feelings (does he wanna kill Ash???) and reader is basically always a hair-trigger away from flipping out (she didn't think she wanted to kill Ash but now that it's in her head...)

Also also I realized I built up Devious Baby Sis reader a lot in my head but did not actually share most of it (she's basically a whole character now just without a name) so here it be! The reason why baby sis is the way she is comes from her observation of the family dynamic as the youngest—that is, she and Ash both rely on Andrew. Ashley is very openly needy about it, which reader notices tends to get on Andrew's nerves. They both baby her, but reader sometimes gets left out when her older siblings become too tangled with each others issues (ex. Nina's death is something i'm not sure reader would've been involved in). Reader is internally actually pretty insecure like Ashley, but instead of acting out (which she know annoys Andrew), she switches tactics so they act out for her—in jealousy. Basically reader is insecure and constantly tests their feelings because otherwise, she can't convince herself that she's loved.

CRYING AT THIS FEAST SO EARLY IN THE MORNING HRRRRGG It's not fair that Andrew's so fine it's actually illegal. He's in my head rent free (you can tell by the amount of asks I've thrown your way coff-in I need hELP) I feel like this is less an ask and me just building fanfic with you in your asks now :,D I just have so many brainworms lmao bUT IF YOU WANNA WRITE A WHOLE ASS ANGST FIC I ASSURE YOU I AM YOUR GAL << I WILL READ, I WILL DEVOUR

notes from coff-in: I WAS WAITING ALL EVENING FOR YOU BABES!!! AAAAHHHH ITS DEVIOUS ANON!!!! and don't worry about talking in my inbox, a fact you should all know is that i love to yap and talk (you also have a tag now! #devious anon visits the coffin)

[fem] reader-insert, [devious younger sister reader], incest

i don't know if i could elaborate more on the decay route because it's just too good man! the paths we've explored so far are all so fucking exciting! i am curious about how ashley would traverse her relationship with andrew and devious baby sis [reader] since ashley would be the only one seeing the vision.

i've also been building up this little devious [reader] in my head but it's all self-indulgent stuff. hearing you talk about why she is the way she is is pretty neat though! i have trouble keeping all to deep analysis stuff in my head and it causes me to lose track of character traits and motives and such :p i mostly saw [reader] is just being this little yandere manipulator, you know? she's genuinely happy with her siblings but she uses all these tricks and tactics to indulge in her incestuous feelings with her siblings while also not getting into trouble. she writes romantic poems for andrew but it's forged in julia's handwriting so he doesn't suspect it's [reader]. she gets naked while sharing a room with ashley and plays it off as okay since they're both sisters and siblings and only one year apart in age.

ah... imagine that she's in love with both of her siblings but thinks that andrew and ashley don't love her back or yet ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. the conflict she feels about her romantic feelings to her siblings and her need to keep a secret to keep them with her. she fakes being an angel because she doesn't think that they'd love her back if they knew how apathetic she could be towards other people. even if she wasn't there when nina died (something she construes as something personal between andrew and ashley that she could never fit into), [reader] probably wouldn't have helped her out of that box. it made ashley happy, right? and andrew wouldn't have to get a girlfriend, right? all wins in her book.

she'd kill and maim and butcher and burn and lie and die for her siblings if she needed to (well, she probably wouldn't die without them ofc). they are her beginning and her end! her soulmates reincarnated as her siblings so that they'd be together forever (from the womb to the tomb, as i've seen said in passing). a lot of her personality revolves around andrew and ashley and while i want to work on that a little bit more in my silly little head, i think it could also be used as some sort of purposefully character flaw?

speaking of long fanfics, i have an ao3 account (that is empty for now) but maybe one day your devious idea could become a devious multi-chapter fanfic (with your permission of course. i want to make sure everyone gets their fair share of credit).

also, also, ALSO! imagine andrew and ashley celebrating [reader]'s birthday! :3 happy thought to make up for all the angst

----

coff-in

#cobweb in the coffin #devious anon visits the coffin #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal x reader #the coffin of andy and leyley x reader #andrew graves x reader #ashley graves x reader #devious younger sister

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nerogurl · 6 months ago

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omg hi !! i don't usually do these kinds of things but fear & hunger is like the only thing i think about anymore and im suuuuper curious to know my results (and to see of it matches who i want it to be >:])

i am! 18 yrs old, transmasc, and bisexual. i'm average height & about mid-sized, with short-mid length dyed hair (it's orange-blonde ish atm but that's subject to change). freckles, tooth-gap, lots of moles, bit of a mustache going on, etc—i think the coolest thing about me is my eyes. they can look anywhere from grey-green-blue depending on the day, but i actually have central heterchromia as well! so, that's cool!

personality wise (the actual meat of this ask, lmao), i've been told i can be intense. but personally i just like to think i take no shit! i'm the kind of person where you get the kind of energy that you give, and i don't have much patience when it comes to others being immature or clueless. does this make me come off as short tempered sometimes? maybe. kind of. yes. but i promise i'm not always that angry! around people i get along with i like to think that i chill way back. when it comes to life overall im more the "it is what it is, nothing really matters so why not have fun?" type. my biggest personal philosophy is that as long as your not hurting yourself or anyone else, you should be allowed to do whatever you want forever. life is too short to not be a freak and shameless about it.

other than that, let's seeeeee. i think im pretty intelligent! i definitely value it in other people, at least. i enjoy things like analysis, discussion, and debate, especially when i get to go on long tangents and rambles. and i like to listen to long tangents and rambles too! i love to hear people be passionate about their interests. a lot of my past relationships have just been going back and forth with big rants on whatever is interesting us that week or something that annoyed us that day.

that being said! i'm also someone who runs outta energy quick. it's not unusually for people to not hear from me for a while, i like my privacy and i like my quiet. and i definitely like it when people respect that, i don't bode well when people get clingy. though, i do a lot better keeping in touch with people i can see face to face, versus anything long distance (i CANNOT do long distance at all im far too forgetful for it).

ummm yeah! ill end it there. not to sound egotistical but writing about myself is fun i should do it more often. ty!!

Reading your description immediately checked all the boxes for a perfect match with Marina! Where do I start? She cannot handle clingyness either. It might be an extreme example considering Samarie is a literal stalker, but when Samarie reveals her feelings, Marine engages as minimally as possible. She's very much done with putting up with people's shit and just wants to move on with her life. Much like with her father, she describes as always angry and obsessed with being miserable, she wants nothing to do with him.

In her B ending, we see that she moves to the big city to find people sharing the same attitudes as you two; to find acceptance and live a carefree life. Where you can experience all the excitement of the city is to be had together. That's not to say she's a party animal, far from it, just a free spirit. The city is the forefront of new ideas; art, science, politics. Go to exhibitions and community dinners together. With the world constantly changing around you you'll never run out of things to talk about.

Marina has a heavy emphasis on alone time that comes naturally from being an academic and a big reader. In Prehevil, we can find her reading in the local bookshop on Day 2, where she's not interested in joining the party. She needs time to shut out the outside world to recharge. A common method of escapism for her, she welcomes you to join her. Imagine if you had the option to accept her offer. You can recharge while bonding through quality time. If you believe reading in the same room counts as doing something together, sometimes just enjoying each other's presence can be enough.

For the gentleman of this matchup I've chosen Cahara! Cahara might not be very 'book smart' but he is a very clever and charismatic man. Part of living in poverty is having to learn how to entertain yourself with limited resources. As a conversationalist, you describe wanting not just to discuss particular academic topics but whatever is relevant to each other's lives. He'll tell you stories of his grand adventures (mildly exaggerated); treasure hunts, daring tales of thievery, survival and his adventures raiding under a band of criminals.

Being an endless soul, he shares the same philosophy as you; as long as you're not hurting anyone life is too short to not do whatever you want (minus the harm, but he's working on it). Cahara is the last person to compromise his life to conform. He knows that Celeste is a prostitute and the baby probably isn't his, but he doesn't care, and loves her all the same. An unconventional relationship type, it should be expected to be open like the one he shares with Celeste.

He'll need someone to be accepting towards his lifestyle and preferences. And if anyone is to be described as 'shameless and freaky', it's Cahara. Him being the only one willing to marry Enki and states that he's open to hooking up with an abdominal marriage (not a decision based just on survival but on his own lenient experimentation).

I know he comes off as flakey but he's extremely loyal. Willing to do anything for his loved ones, traversing through the horrors of the dungeons to keep Celeste and her unborn baby well feed and happy forever. There's no world where he abandons her. Celeste either passes away during childbirth or you all join together as a throuple.

I agree with what you said about your central heterochromia. You're right, that is very cool! That's what draws him to you at first. No matter how guarded he is around strangers, Cahara is a naturally curious person. He finds your appearance spurring a lot of questions. He wants to know who you are and everything about you to help fit the gaps in his imagination. Telling stories to their child, he's going to cast you the role of the pirate with wild sunset hair and ocean eyes.

Tdlr; Marina and Cahara, but overall I think Marina is your best match.

#fear and hunger x reader #character x reader #matchups

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chairofchaos · 10 months ago

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A Brief Commentary on Fandom History, Fandom Weeks, and How to Keep Moving Forward

Before you decide to read this, please go read this thing I wrote earlier. You need the context. Done reading? No? Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, and definitely don't engage with this post. Go read it. You're done? Excellent! Please remember that I said absolutely nothing in the aforementioned post about commenting on current events. Also, this contains some swearing, in case that bugs you. Any text written in this font I'm using below the break is liable to be sarcastic (if you want clarification about something like that let me know!). Word count is about 3.8k. Shoutout to @/olderthannetfic, who wrote back to that anon who was talking about the clergy-class of Big Name Fans and said,

"Nail your theses to the door."

I think that sentiment applies here. Kudos to you, wise fandom elder. You rock.

About the Author

To reiterate how I began my last post (linked above and for the love of all fandom, go read it), I have been involved in fandom spaces for 12 years, almost to the day. I had wonderful mentors who knew that were I left unchecked, I would fumble my way through a lot of very bad ideas about what fandom should be like. They decided out of love that if I was going to be in fandom, they were going to make me into the best little fandom child I could be.

If you do the math, I was 11 when I started getting involved. What can I say? It was a different decade and I had unrestricted internet access. Nobody was keeping me from my Harry Potter and Percy Jackson fanfics. All of this to say: I was raised here, and I'm going to scream in the living room while this house burns down around me because I'd rather be a ghost in fandom than not be in fandom at all.

I am going to say a lot of things in this post. Am I perfect? NO! Will this post hold errors? Undoubtedly. Will this post be tarnished by the inaccuracies of the resources and the biases of events recorded in secondary sources? Who knows. I'm sure some of you lived through the events I am referencing here. Your context and commentary is more than welcome. Will this help give us, the ACOTAR fandom, some context for why we all care so much? I hope so.

No, I don't actually. I have no faith in anyone, not even myself.

Thanks for that, Editorial Chaos. You're one pessimistic bitch. Oh, you're going to keep showing up in this post to annoy me, aren't you...

Yep. Back to it, Chaos.

Alright, then. Anyways, I have opinions. You have opinions. There's a 100% chance that we disagree on something. That's cool with me. So let's get to it.

Why Are We Talking About This?

Elaingate. We are here because of Elaingate, and I will not lie to you about that. You will briefly hear my thoughts on that specific issue further down the line.

To those of you who would suggest that Elaingate is over? I must disagree.

You see, this one instance may be over, but the underlying debate continues. What should fandom look like? Who can participate, and with what content? What is allowed, and who gets to decide?

These questions have not been addressed. I am not, by any means, going to pretend to be an authority on this. I do, however, wish to contribute my many thoughts, and present some events from the history of fandom.

My hope in sharing this brief summary of notable events which shaped broader fan culture will help people newer to fandom (of all kinds) understand why something like an event which bans certain types of content, or content involving specific characters, as something to be concerned, or even angry, about.

Please consider this, my contribution to the discussion, as a form of academic inquiry with an opinion thread throughout. This is something I am throwing to the fandom for consideration. Do I get preachy? Absolutely I do. Do I stand by my thoughts? Yes.

If you want to respond and tell me I’m dead wrong, by all means, do so. I welcome a reblog or a post in response. Let’s go back and forth, citing our sources like two exhausted researchers from different university departments, fighting over faerie smut books. I’ll eat up every second of it.

No, you won’t. You’re exhausted.

Really? Please stop.

Noooooooooooooooooo.

Are these old issues, or is this a new problem?

Welcome to the party! It's both as old as fandom itself, and as new as yesterday. ("Chaos, those can't both be true, can they?" Yes, they can!)

You see, there have always been issues within fandoms. People have disagreed about whether character A should end up with character B or character C for longer than any of us have been alive. Seriously. The Ancient Greeks were arguing about this stuff thousands and thousands of years ago.

Source: my Greek Tragedy professor. And if you want to argue that point, you can take it up with him. He’s an ornery old German man who looked at me and told me I needed to do better on my tests in front of the entire class. I had a 98 overall, and the only grades we got were the tests.

Moving on: Dare I say, we are not special?

The real difference now is that the previously separate communities of fandom are coming together on platforms where systems for separating those branches of fandom do not exist in automatically available formats.

We face new issues because the wonderful world-wide web continues to grow wider and wider. We have more people on the internet than ever before. You interact with more people by participating in online fandom than a person would have 5-10 years ago, let alone before the internet, and that comes with new challenges.

So what, Chaos?

I'm glad you asked! On LiveJournal, you could join Communities. You can envision them as a Discord server centered around a specific ship or character. You could be automatically entered into a group of like-minded people, and never really have to interact with people who shipped Character A with Character B, if you wanted.

Another form of fanfic from the pre-internet through the early internet years of fandom days were Zines (In depth "what's that?" from Purdue University). In fandom, zines were edited, curated fanworks. They were numerous. Some were public, some were private. Some Zine editors stood up to Lucasfilm. Regardless, there was content moderation, whether by community members or by corporations themselves. We'll come back to this.

Does that mean I would never have had to interact with those evil A/B shippers when I ship B/C?

Hahahahahhahaha.

No. It doesn't. You still encountered people who disagreed with you.

And there were slurs and threats involved. It could get real ugly.

Yeah. Be thankful we have good community guideline things on Tumblr, and a reporting process on AO3. I don't think anyone is going to try to hack your computer to get your IP address and dox you for shipping the "wrong" characters (and good grief: if you care that much or truly think that is an appropriate action, please stay far, far away from me).

You looked for the community where you fit best, and that's where you started following, and finding, and interacting. It's not all that different to what you can do here once you curate your individual experience.

Chaos, why does any of this matter? Why aren't you talking about current events?

Well, in the grand scheme of things, does anything matter?

Yes, newly-nihilistic Editorial Chaos. It really does matter.

It matters because it's our history. It's how we got here. Be grateful. As for current events, I’m not really here to give you an in-depth analysis of those, as there are other posts which do that.

I’m here to talk about the underlying issue. To do that, we need some background. I promise you need all of this context for my proposal at the end. Feel free to skip what you already know, but please take this opportunity to learn something new today!

Why did Archive of Our Own come into being?

For my sources on this, I direct you to the original livejournal post which started it all (thank you @/astolat! You can find her on tumblr and AO3. She’s responsible for so many great things and I thank her for all of them) and the more in-depth Fanlore page on the original proposal for AO3, where you can find links to relevant issues surrounding the proposal’s creation and the result of the proposal. See? Not a nihilist, Chaos. I'm helping. Like I'm "supposed to." Ugh.

The long and short of this is that internet fanfiction communities were facing censorship from the hosting sites. LiveJournal and Fanfiction.net were getting worried about the legality and perceived morality of different kinds of fanfiction, and a new site was being created specifically to profit off of fanfiction.

For the sake of this discussion, we are going to use the word "curation". LJ, FF.net, and others were intentionally curating the kind of content they would allow and would allow users to see and interact with, partly out of fear of lawsuits, and partly out of a desire to police morality. The cleaning processes they used to get rid of things they did not like were referred to as "purges."

In the purges, many sexually explicit fics were lost. We aren’t talking about something the average 2020s romantasy reader (that’s you, ACOTAR fan!) would necessarily shy away from. We’re largely talking about a level of explicit nature that mirrors the general content of ACOTAR. There were of course fics that were less explicit, and fics that were considerably more explicit. By my understanding, the bulk were things we now see in published work.

Many fics with LGBT natures were lost, because the crackdown on “morality” I mentioned? Yeah. That had a lot to do with LGBT issues. Others have written a lot more extensively and a lot more eloquently than I can on this subject, so I am going to leave it at that. Just know it was a very large issue, and if you want more on this feel free to do some research of your own!

So the problems were numerous. The solution was created. Now we have Archive of Our Own (AO3). (Am I saying that AO3 is perfect? No. That, like most things, is a whole other post.)

AO3 is an archive. It is a hosting site, but it went about it differently than fanfiction.net or livejournal, or most of the niche, fandom-specific sites. Very few of those actually exist anymore, but they were cool.

As an archive, AO3's role was to be a place where the fics that could not be on the other sites because of curation would go to be. Notable fics that were posted in the early days of Archive of Our Own were fics with incest (wincest started here! And don’t tell me AO3 didn’t want it because, well, the creators were the ones writing it, and yes, I have sources for that), brutal violence, and explicit sexual content, among other, much more SFW G-rated type fics.

They all had a home on AO3, because AO3 was designed primarily for authors (see sources linked above for more). It is notably not a social media, because it is intended to store works (regardless of their content*) and not share them. (*This is mostly true. There have been some problems because of this, often in the realm of Real Person Fics, or RPF. Again, it's a whole other post, but bears repeating.)

Chaos, what on earth does that have to do with fandom [Character/Ship] Week(s)?

I'm overjoyed that you would ask me such a question! It has everything to do with it.

Since the internet has taken over as the primary fandom connector, we have seen a democratization of fandom. We no longer have Zine editors telling us what we can and cannot write. We are protected by AO3's careful non-profit model, ensuring that no one is profiting off of characters owned by other people or franchises.

It has been said that "every rule and regulation you work to enforce has been written in the blood of others."

That is... overly dramatic.

You do remember we’re called ‘Chaos’ here, right?

Fair. Why do you insist on being so damn cheerful when you’re talking about rules written in blood?

I’m trying to keep it light, Editorial Chaos. Please just… shut up.

Fine.

AO3 exists largely because certain types of fanfiction were being excluded from fandom. People were upset at the purges. People were upset that they weren't being allowed to write work with characters being in LGBT relationships. People were upset that an LGBT fic automatically got a more severe rating than its heterosexual counterpart, just on the basis of containing LGBT content. The little purges were numerous, and there were multiple large purges as platforms decided what they would be willing to accept and what they would leave by the wayside.

Archive of Our Own changed the model. Instead of platforms moderating what they would allow, AO3 implemented a tagging system which would allow readers looking for works in the archive to filter out content they did not want, or to filter for content they did want. Instead of the filter being run by the governing body, the archive was just there. It was up to the user to decide what they would read. The user moderated for their individual preferences, instead of the Organization for Transformative Works (OTW is the governing body of AO3) deciding for an entire, diverse body of fans what they would be allowed to consume. OTW’s creators saw the blood spilled. And they used it to write new rules.

This became the standard of fandom because of its equal opportunity approach. Fandoms have the ability to self-govern, and one of the easiest and safest ways to do that is through comprehensive tagging systems.

Tumblr has an incredible tagging system. Could it be better? Sure. But you can block tags for things you don't like. You, the individual. You, the solitary person, with your own lens through which you view the world. You, who are different to anybody who has ever been, and different from anyone who will be, because no one will ever share your exact set of thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. YOU.

Essentials so far:

Hosting sites began for all fanfiction

A few hosting sites became Curated sites

Curated sites led to the creation of One Hosting Site to Rule Them All (no matter what issues that may create) AO3

The one hosting site is now the primary archive for thousands of fandoms, open to all kinds of work as long as you tag correctly

The democratization of fandom gives space for all works, and allows users to consume what they will (and avoid what they wish) via comprehensive tagging systems

So... where does that leave us?

ACOTAR is a relatively new fandom. It's boomed in the last couple of years, and that's fine. That's good. It is driven on platforms like TikTok and tumblr.

Do not tell me that the TikTok fans are worse. The grass is not burning any more on the other side of the fence than it is under your feet. And yes, the grass under your feet is burning. Look around! And this is the hellsite, after all.

Tumblr and TikTok, paired with the insane (and awesome!) number of ACOTAR fans, largely keep us apart from previously existing general fandom spaces due to algorithms driving engagement. Many ACOTAR fans are new to fandom culture. I don’t think this is a bad thing. I do think it can create problems where fans with previous fandom experience who are a part of the ACOTAR fandom will clash with fans who are new to fandom.

I think this knowledge gives us a choice. There are two types of hosting sites. Why not create two types of events? This is already happening. If we can label events as one of the two types, then it will help people find their spaces where they are the most comfortable. If we create events that are labeled as either "curated" (large amounts of moderation, limits on ships allowed, etc) or "hosted" (anything goes), then we can ensure that everybody is happy.

She means that, by the way. She works for "peace". Ha. Imagine that. But seriously, girl…

Okay, well…

My Perspective (And Why Do People Care So Much?)

Am I truly happy with this? No.

It actually really pisses her off, actually. She won’t admit it, but I will.

I think, Editorial Chaos, that fandom benefits from Archive of Our Own type approaches, where anything goes, but you must tag comprehensively. It encourages appropriate reporting of triggering material and content not safe for minors/work. This goes for fandom spaces, but most especially fandom events, which should accept things which under the umbrella of the theme they are celebrating, regardless of the perceived morality of their content.

Maybe we can't expect all spaces to be ready for anything. We don't expect that of all people. However, saying that you are hosting an event which is open to all fans that prevents people from considering a character in a new view, such as considering a morally gray character, who is presented in canon as a protagonist, as an antagonist during their character week, or issuing guidelines which would limit an author's interpretation of characters that fit within an archetype, is not truly hosting a fandom-wide event. That's a curated event. And calling it "curated" here is not a judgment.

She seriously means that, too. In case you actually care. The Suriel knows I don’t.

An event that does not allow for truly transformative fanworks within the bounds of its established purpose (a specific ship for a ship week, or including a certain character for a character week) is not an event that is open. It is curated.

An event that is curated is not open to all fans, and should not be presented as such. I’m not going to make a judgment call and say that it is wrong. Get together with your friends and host your own week. I don’t care if you do that! I encourage it! Call it a fic trade, call it something else, but it isn’t an “open” event. It is curated.

However, I want you to keep something in mind as you curate public-facing events: Stop policing for morality. That’s going to end very poorly for us. Keep in mind that the things you are reading in ACOTAR now would have been, and are, in some places, being pulled from library shelves (if they’re getting published at all!) because of the same kinds of arguments you are making about morality.

If you truly want more ACOTAR books, consider that, were your thoughts and opinions transposed to the real-life debate about book censorship (which isn’t really different from curation/moderation except that its issued by a corporation or government, which is an added level of intensity) by people who thought explicit sexual content didn’t belong in published books, you wouldn’t have ACOTAR at all.

An event presented as open to all fans when it is not actually open to all fans is in fact censorship, defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary (accessed via Apple) as “the suppression or prohibition of any parts of books, films, news, etc. that are considered obscene, politically unacceptable, or a threat to security.”

Despite that, if this move to identifying events as either “open” or “curated” is what we need to get through this, then so be it. So be it. I'll be disappointed, and I'll be frustrated. And, so help me, I'll be angry. I will. I will not lie to you about that, but I will deal with it.

I love the “don’t like, don’t read” aspect of fandom. I like extensive, comprehensive, and sometimes-even-silly tagging. I like exploring things that I may not like, and then deciding “this just isn’t for me.” I like blocking tags!

More than that, though? I am tired of the fighting. I am so damn tired of it, guys. We have to do better. We seriously do.

(Under 18s, and frankly, even 18-25s like myself, I’m just going to say one thing to directly to you, in case you are here. If you only take one point away from this post: Please learn to be nice to each other when you disagree. You, me, and our generations are notoriously bad at that. These people can be some of your best friends. Read that post I linked at the top for more details on good old human decency on public facing platforms. Complain to each other in DMs here or on Discord. Go outside and scream when you are frustrated, if you must. You’ll thank yourself one day, I promise.)

We are not treating each other with basic human dignity. We are not treating people like people. We also are not doing a good job of simply moving away from things that upset us at an individual level. We cannot expect to only see things we agree with. What we can do is acknowledge that our emotions are our responsibility.

Community spaces do not need to be moderated for your enjoyment. If you are a part of a community space intended to be enjoyed with moderation like Reddit or some Facebook groups, great! If you are a part of a large group of people on a public platform like Tumblr, or in some type of semi-open community space like an open Facebook group or Discord server with a ton of people and expect to only see things you agree with or never encounter criticism, tough.

Learn to accept criticisms of ideas you agree with. You don’t have to accept the criticism itself. You do have to accept that people are going to have thoughts you may not agree with, and that you will see them from time to time no matter how well you think you have blocked and closed off your experience to fit your tastes. (There is a big difference between appropriate criticism in the general environment and direct vitriolic hatred, which I decried in the post you should have read before starting. Which is why Editorial Chaos insisted you started there, to be clear.)

It’s exhausting to pretend like things are fine.

The grass is burning, remember? We’re all on this hellsite together.

So take from this post what you will. Consider my proposal for two kinds of fandom events. Ask questions, if you wish. Send me your thoughts.

Just remember I’ll be the one answering cruel ones. Keep it together, folks. I was raised well, but I’ve got Nesta’s tongue and years of therapy to prove it.

I wish you all well. I truly do. I hope you learned something, or were able to consider something in a new light. I hope you find it helpful.

All my best,

Chaos

Hey. Can I go, too?

Yeah, dude. Go to bed. It’s like… 3 AM and you’ve been obsessively working on this for days. How many research papers on censorship in fan controlled spaces did you-

Shut up, Chaos. At least we’re done now. Finally. Peace, y’all. <3 (not really), Editorial Chaos

xxx

One final note from my last editing round of this piece: I truly did spend days researching these topics, and reading thoughts from various points of view here on tumblr. I hope having the back and forth from "Chaos" to "Editorial Chaos" was entertaining rather than distracting. I hope some part of you enjoyed reading this. I truly do.

The first draft of this post was written not long after the Elaingate hashtag was created. It was a lot shorter. It was a lot meaner. It was a lot more discombobulated. I hope, despite the length and the occasional rudeness, that you have been able to learn something new, or consider a new perspective.

This subject matters a lot to me. In my state, we are fighting book bans left and right, and have been for a few years now. I recognize a lot of the statements I have seen here on tumblr from that very fight, and it makes it incredibly personal to me.

Thank you for understanding that for me, and many others around the globe who face much stricter regulations than those proposed in my district, this is more than a debate about morality and censorship in fanfiction. It is about addressing a pattern of thought that has real world consequences in our neighborhoods.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for your kindness. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

And in case anyone is curious? Editorial Chaos is the bitch who edits all my fanfictions. Yes, really. She has her own brain (/kidding!). And she's so mean to me. All the time. (/true.)

#chaos bitching hours #straightupchaos #don't like don't read #elaingate #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #sjm #fandom discourse #fandom discussion #fandom #fandom problems #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #fandom history

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 10 months ago

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OC questionnaire

Thanks @the-golden-comet here and here, @imsoveryveryconfusedatlife here, @happypup-kitcat24 here, @mrbexwrites here, @museandquill here,

@the-golden-comet here, and @drchenquill here!

Rules: answer the questions in the POV of an OC, then provide three more questions!

I thought I'd catch up finally with this game, but alas.

Previous Questionnaires:

Rounds One and Two

Round Three: Maddie, Ash, Noelle, Ewan, Jazlyn, Lexi, Alex, Carmen

See below for: Gwen, Gabriel, Liam, Xitlali, Akash, Jedi, Rose, Sam

#1- Gwen

Do you celebrate birthdays?

“Of course I do! I sometimes have a party, though it's usually small. We have a tradition that over the weekend of my birthday, whenever it is, we visit where we buried my twin sister, who was stillborn. As a way to honor her.”

Where do you go when you need to unwind?

“My room has this corner that feels hidden. It's where I put a bunch of beanbags and pillows and curl up in there to read.”

Have you ever meditated?

“Yes, I have! It's a good way to unwind sometimes, but I prefer reading to do that. Clearing my mind is really hard.”

✨ Gwen intro ✨

#2- Gabriel

What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

“My enemy? I don't have enemies. The closest I have is Parker, and I'm not giving him any title that fancy. He's just a nuisance. If he asked for help, I wouldn't ignore him, you know? Unless it's a situation he could just get out of if he applied himself just a little more.”

Would you ask your enemy for help?

“Ugh, if I must use Parker again, then: no. He's unreliable. I'd never ask for his help.”

Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

“Finally, a question about me. I think before I act, and pretty efficiently, I may add. I am very proficient at identifying a problem and then offering a solution to it. I've been told that I act too quickly, but that's a load of bullshit. I don't act on impulse, but I also don't take too long analyzing every single possible option. Like Liam, for example. *Sigh* Whatever, are we done?”

Other Gabriel: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#3- Liam

What’s, in your opinion, the worst way to die?

“Oh, my opinion, you say? Haha, okay. The worst way to die is doing something you love. Okay? I keep hearing some shit like that, it's very annoying. ‘Oh, the guy who loved mountain climbing died mountain climbing! At least he died doing something he loved!’ No! If I'm doing something I love, I want to see the end of it! I want to keep living so I can DO IT. I would hate to die in the middle of a debate. I'd lose the argument by default! Either that or they have sympathy for me and decide to declare me the winner posthumously, but what kinda bullshit win is that? I didn't earn it? What if I died in the middle of shooting a movie? Then some other director takes my place and makes it awful! No, I want to see my movie in theaters. I want to see it go to Blu-ray. You want me to die doing something I love? Screw that mentality! I'm not gonna die until I'm old enough to not be able to do the things I love!”

How fond would you say the local authorities are of you?

“Well, I got my dad out of a ticket by arguing with a police officer. Despite my win, I don't think he liked me. I was...fourteen? So I feel like they have this begrudging respect for me.”

Are you capable of murder?

“I believe so. At least manslaughter. And I'd get away with it, too. I took a forensics class in high school, so I learned which crimes got solved and which ones didn't. Gotta make sure the police tamper the hell out of the scene, though. Make it impossible to find evidence. Also, I could be misgendered as a woman either through visuals or DNA. Usually that'd be very annoying, but to get away with a crime? Honestly, it's a benefit in this case. I will admit that. Now, because I've never murdered anyone, I have no idea what would push me to that point in the first place. There is absolutely no precedent. However, knowing myself, it would take a while to truly piss me off. But I'm not gonna say I'd never do it. I believe everyone is capable of murder if you get them to a certain point in their life. It just varies on what the degree is. I do hope I never get to my point, but it would be stupid of me to claim some moral high ground on something I don't actually know for a 100-percent fact.”

Other Liam: OC in three, outfit, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, interview

#4- Xitlali

Imagine this: An entity appears in front of you to grant you one wish, what would you wish for?

“One wish? Okay, fine. That's not too hard. I wish prejudice would go away! I am tired of working twice as hard to get half as far as everyone else simply because I don't have powers!”

If you had the power to change one law of your world, what would it be?

“There are so many laws against Inutilia, it's literally impossible to pick one. I suppose I'd change the law about powers being on our applications. It's crap that I'm passed over for any team I try out for unless I prove I am the best.”

In your opinion, what is more important: sympathy or empathy?

“Unironically, sympathy. Yeah, yeah, empathy means that you feel what the other is feeling, but some people who genuinely struggle with empathy are the most sympathetic people I know. I don't need anyone to know my pain, I just need them to see that I'm in pain. Me and everyone else like me. I don't need anyone taking pity on me, but maybe if one higher-up just felt a little bad, then I'd have more rights.”

More Xitlali: questionnaire one, questionnaire two, bingo

#5- Akash

Do you have a stuffed toy/plushie/toy that you have fond memories of? Do you have it, and if so/not, then why?

“Huh. I guess I do. Robbie and I, when we were in...I think fourth grade, went on a day trip to Houston with our families. Ha, I wonder if we actually were in the same general area as our friends now! That'd be sick. Anyway, we went to the Science Museum, and honestly it was dope. Thankfully our moms loved taking pictures of us so we have a lot of memories, but the toy part comes in during the gift shop. I got this green brachiosaurus and Robbie got this orange triceratops and Sammy somehow ended up with a pink sparkly T-Rex. I still have the brachiosaurus. I named him Steven.”

Do you have a nervous habit/quirk, and what is it?

*runs hand through hair, laughing awkwardly* “Well it's-- Oh no, shit, I just did it.”

What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?

“Neapolitan. It's three flavors in one?! How is this not everyone's favorite, I don't get it.”

Other Akash: OC in three, OC in fifteen, interview, Picrew, two truths and a lie, kiss, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, outfit, fun facts

#6- Jedi

How do you celebrate your birthday?

“I do not do much for my birthday. But Carmen always gets me something.”

Do you have siblings and if so who are you closest with?

“I have one sibling, Kirstie, who I suppose is who I am closest to by default. We talk as often as we can.”

What job would you hate the most?

“I suppose a job where I feel like I'm not making an impact. [Suspicious pause] Or maybe it's just if I couldn't do any science!”

Other Jedi: OC in three, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, smash or pass acearo version, art, fun facts, Picrew

#7- Rose

What is your happiest memory?

“That is a pretty hard question. I guess the first time I hung out with Lexi one on one. Usually she wants larger groups to hang out in, but she invited me to the art museum downtown once. Her mom went with us, obviously, but we were free to roam the actual museum. It was incredible.”

What do you wish to achieve?

“One day, I hope to become a fashion designer. I'd love my own studio. Mainly I just want to hold my designs.”

How far will you go to reach your goals?

“I'm not sure. I don't think I'm that ambitious. If it doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll cope and just find something else.”

✨ Rose intro✨

#8- Sam

Are you petty?

“Hold on, let me think about it. [Several seconds of silence] Oh, no, I think I am! I compete with Kaitlyn over stupid things all the time and I'm annoying to her on purpose when she's annoying to me!” *throws her face into her hands* “Ugh!”

Do you forgive easily?

*face still buried* “Obviously not.” *raises head* “Actually, I think I do. I move on pretty quick. If Kaitlyn apologized, it'd be pretty hard to forgive, but I might eventually, y'know? What if she changes? The first few times it happened, I did forgive her when she apologized. But I also wasn't afraid to storm off when it happened. Am I easy to forgive? Ugh, it feels like I'm running in circles! Please ask me another question!”

Would you describe yourself as very emotional?

“I'm almost crying now, what does that tell you?” *wipes her face and shakes it off* “It's okay! I'm totally fine actually! Nice meeting you, byyyyye!”

Other Sam: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

Tagging @urnumber1star @somethingclevermahogony @buffythevampirelover @nailamoonsi @finickyfelix

+ ANYONE ELSE

Your questions: 1) Is there a part of your personality you wish to change? 2) What is something you know that many people don't? 3) What does love mean to you?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

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crestfallencrest · 3 months ago

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Hi hello I'm sorry to bother you but I came from your fic "Bravus Vesperia Magica" and I'm too shy to actually comment on the fic so I'm here and-

Words cannot convey how much I love your fic??? Like, i had an appointment today that I was almost late to cause I was too invested in the Yuri v Zagi fight lmao. Also also I'm a SUCKER for fics where everyone's like "God Yuri can you not almost kill yourself doing things for other people" and then he continues to almost kill himself for other people so this is my JAM man (/gender neutral)

And Rita being on screen (???) for like a grand total of ten seconds to kick ass and win Estelle’s heart- so excited to see more of her!! I cannot wait to see how her magical girl moment's going to go. This also applies to Judith because I love Judy :3

As for Raven, I'm guessing Schwann (autocorrect pls work with me) is his magical girl alter ego?? Either way, I'm enjoying his brief apparences so much lol. Niren mentioned Schwann and I was like "yes... YES!!!

afhjshdks speaking of, I was expecting magical girl Flynn, I was Not expecting magical girl Sodia, so that was a fun little surprise! That definitely explains her being shifty before (chapter four maybe? I read on entire work so I can't remember afhsgsj)

Also also also, the fluri moments got to me. Lying in bed giggling like a witch everytime they get into an argument lmao. I'm loving it and little guy Repede so much <3

Point is!! I understand it's been a while since you've updated, so for all I know the fic is done with and you can feel free to delete this, but I just needed you to know I'm losing my mind over this fic and will sit like Hachikō for an update (no pressure. Pls pls don't take this as pressuring into an update, I know how annoying that can be amd don't wish that on anyone) ❤️❤️❤️

AAAAAAAAA hi hello ;w; This was such a sweet comment to read. Im so so so so SOOO glad you enjoyed what you read and i wanna start off by apologizing for the lack of updates!

so a lot of things happened since my last update and i havent exactly been too open about my plans for the future of my fics (mostly bc ive been in a big debate over it) so im gonna just use this post as a chance to update my followers.

As much as I hate to say it, I unfortunately, at this time, i dont have any immediate plans on continuing it. (IM SO SORRY T-T) There was a point where i was actually in the process of rewriting it. I had originally written myself into a tiny lil corner so I started reworking some plot points. I had a WHOLE universe planned out essentially!!

Buuuut then things got pretty hectic in my life >_< work got stressful for a while (which was the only time i could get myself to write LOL), and then i got into a car accident (im fine!) and that stressed me out p badly, and then some personal family stuff happened. And then i JUST NOW got over a really bad sickness that I had since like. Thanksgiving LOL its been fun.

But i guess i just got out of the habit of writing and lost the motivation to do so. And then my ADHD started hyperfocusing on other shows/games (Rune Factory guardians of azuma is RIGHT around the corner, and Mo Dao Zu Shi has me in a chokehold currently) and its just been all over the place. I am so so so so glad you enjoyed what I wrote for BVM and i genuinely hope that one day, I'll get that surge of motivation again to rewrite what I had planned!! And I genuinely hope that you'll be there to see it! (It was in my head so bad that I was planning a prequel fic too bc HOO boy)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING MY FIC <3 I should go back and read it soon. Maybe it'll give me the boost i need.

#crest talks #SO GLAD YOU LIKED MY RITA SCENE BTW #THAT WAS FUN TO WRITE

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frenchroyalseb · 7 months ago

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Sebastian Self Para || Plus Ones

Sebastian was... not disappointed (well at least, not that he would admit out loud), but mildly put out. He'd got a message from the event organisers him and Patrick had been dealing with for their latest event, asking if he could confirm if he was bringing a plus one as Patrick had. He'd just assumed neither would be bringing a plus one and that they'd end up hooking up in a back room at some point during the night.

It had somewhat become just something they did now, whenever they happened to be in the same place (which wasn't that often really, with most of the work done for the foundation not needing to be done in person now). It had become convenient, and it was fun.

So now here Sebastian was, having to find his own plus one to an event because he couldn't let Patrick show up with a plus one and not him. So he signed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through a few people, debating who to call.

"I need a favour," he said, when the other man answered the call.

"Hello to you too, Bas."

"Yeah, yeah. Hello Jeff. I need you to be my date to a gala."

"I'm sorry?"

"You look good in a tux."

"I know that, what I don't know is why you want me to be your date somewhere. Is this your way of asking me out?"

Sebastian let out a snort of laughter, "no. But I can't go to the gala without a plus one and you won't get the wrong idea. But if you want I'll suck your dick as a thank you."

"I'm not gay," Jeff said mildly, though didn't seem offended by Sebastian's proposition.

"Funny. I seem to recall at least three separate occasions when your dick has been in my mouth. What do you call that then?"

"Youthful experimentation. I'm a mature man now."

"Uh-huh. Whatever. Can you please just be my date?"

"What's the gala for anyway?"

"It's for the foundation, the launch of the new initiative. You know how rich people love to splash their money around."

"Okay - but what do you need a plus one for?"

"I can't go alone."

"You've gone alone before."

"Yes but this is ... different."

"How?"

"Patrick has a plus one."

"Ahh."

"Ahh? What do you mean ahh?"

"I mean you're fucking him, so you're jealous and want to try one up him by bringing a date."

"I'm not jealous. I couldn't care less who he's taking to galas, or fucking, or hell, dating."

"Then go alone."

"..."

"See. You're jealous."

"At most, I am annoyed by a potential convenient fuck being removed from my evening. You know what, never mind. I'll ask Ni-"

"Bas, it's fine. I'll be your date. Just send me the details."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I reserve the right to tell you I told you so."

"About what?"

"You'll see."

With that, Jeff hung up, and left Sebastian staring at the phone in confusion. But then he shrugged, texting Jeff the details of the gala.

At least that one was one thing sorted.

#ooc: just a quick one because why not

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brighteststar707 · 2 years ago

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Tell me why I see cool socks and immediately think "yes this is Faye"??? And the hyperfixation because somehow you're strong enough to only have ONE constant hyperfixation. Also, got any more knight Luciel HC to share?👀

You're correct on two and a half counts Xela!

I have the COOLEST sock collection and I'm not afraid to brag about it. I have cow print socks, ghost socks, dog socks, penguin socks, you name it. I may be wearing big old boots but under the boots there are always some very cool socks hehe

I definitely don't have the strength of mind for just one hyperfixation at a time, though. This baby can fit so many simultaneous interests you wouldn't believe it. I keep this blog quite mysme-centric, but my brain is always spinning with something or another. At the moment, the things spinning around in my head are:

- Howl's Moving Castle (I'm rereading the book - I will never be normal about it), something about how pathetic and annoying he is is so charming in an 'only in books' way

- my sims 3 legacy (I haven't played with them for months and I MISS my little pixel people) I even brought them up on a date recently after a cocktail too many (and he's still seeing me so it must have worked somehow)

- Saeyoung letting go and going Ape Shit (again, I know, I had hoped that writing it out would have gotten it out of my system but I guess it wasn't enough). Particularly V route Saeyoung where he just loses his mind a little and goes on a self-destructive spree (and what's more, this time the MC isn't his rock but someone who is attached to the person to blame! The drama!)

- Knight Luciel/ loyalty to ones own detriment and twisted love dynamics (It's a wonder I never got into the V/Rika thing).

As for more knight Luciel headcanons, let me think...

He is a very good fighter, not known for his brute strength but for how nimble he is. He is fast and deadly if he has to be. His eyes glimmer beautifully (and dangerously, depending on who you are) from under his helmet and it's something that catches MC of guard the first time they see him with it on.

He loves the horses. Whether they love him back is still up for debate. He always has tasty treats on him to bribe them with though.

As I mentioned yesterday, he has a certain affinity for magic that he discovers by accident. His methods are completely unorthodox but they get the job done so he's happy. His powers are mostly connected to objects and imparting magic onto them as opposed to casting it from his hands. One time he got really angry and people swear they saw sparks coming off of his armour.

And, if the past few paragraphs weren't enough proof in themselves, I am a massive nerd.

These are probably messy but here we go! That's my brain at the moment!

#faye talks #brain is messy I am sleepy #so sorry if this is incoherent #I've been catching up on ofmd and imagining saeyoung in Ed's place just going APE SHIT in a self-destructive grind really got to me #jumin-ssi

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msdrpreist · 2 years ago

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SKY! YOU ARE REBLOGGING JJK STUFF I NEED ALL THE DEATILS RIGHT NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU

(what do you mean you’re jjk-fandoming am I going to cry???? I’m so excited)

OH MY GOD YES

okay to be fair I've seen up to season 2 ep 5(?) And the only reason I wanted watching was for nanami hahah. But no like I'd always heard it was good but like?!?!?@?@ it is!?!?!?!

So far I'm absolutely in love with nanami, geto, and I'm debating my love for toji hahah although I 200% see why gojo, yuji, and sukuna are talked about the way they are!!

Maki and Mai surprised me with a couple gut punches bc of their sister bond that's just keeps getting pulled apart by actions neither want to stop doing if that makes sense, tragically understandable for why each of them act the way way they do.

Megumi? My heart just aches for him, toji fucked that boy up but he's still doing what's right even of he's just a child!!!

Omg yuuji!?!?! He just wants to help!!!!!! Losing his grandfather, becoming Sukunas host, dying, reserecting, being told he has to be one way or they'll kill him, and he's. Still. So. Happy. To. Help!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm not even up to how kenjaku interacts with geto but seeing him spiral hurts so bad. My love for geto is insane, he just needed more people around him to remind him of the good in the world, to remind him how important his family is, ahhhhhhhhh he makes me so sad to think about man

Nanami has my heart aye! His absolute resolve to protect as many children as possible bc it's what he wish he could have done for haibara, his devotion to keeping yuji a child and not forcing him to grow up, his haphazardly hidden love for gojo even tho he annoys the shit outta him, and just 🫠🫠🫠 I haven't even got up to that scene but his whole presence as he absolutely murders harutu and then bends down to speak eye level with the girls AHHHHHHH spay me

Oh and haibara☹️ it's all I have to say

There's probably more I'm forgetting but I've just woken up hahaha, I need to set aside some time to finish watching so I can do a proper analysis bc my God I'm loving it so far!! What about you? Fave characters, moments? Anything I wanna talk about it!! I've also been spoiled on some big moments so dw haha

#skyla sometimes voices her thougts #skyla cant stick to one fandom #ciara♡

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 1 year ago

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Mildly annoyed at my body.

Probably venting. Mostly complaining. Some medical talk.

I kinda want to get a second shift job, but I just got a raise and starting this month, I will be making really good money. Like, double minimum wage money. I don't think I'll be finding that wage anywhere else with no college degree and only 5 years of office experience...

I want to put more of my books on the shelves, the ones still boxed in the living room and the basement. Go through the comics I probably have no real attachment to, maybe offer them up somewhere. Put the books I keep thinking about that somehow didn't get their boxes marked "FAVE" and thus weren't put upstairs when I moved. They're in the basement. I KNOW I have more books by my favorite author. I've been wanting to reread the ones I haven't unpacked.

But I just ate. I can't go up and down the stairs, let alone carrying 2+ boxes and unpacking them. Not to mention, some of them are practically buried in others' boxes... I can't exert myself by moving them around, either. I might be able to reach the ones by the shoe rack, but I don't remember. I can't stand up and bend over to look.

For my stomach AND my back reasons. Ever since I had the neurology appointment, during which they twisted me in ways that made my mostly-fine back start hurting at a Level of 5/10 Again, and when I said it started hurting they kept twisting and asked if it still hurt. Yes! Fuck yes, it hurt WORSE!

And it still hasn't entirely calmed down. The pain now is worse than it was before the appointment. Even two weeks later (or is it three?). Even with lidocaine patches and muscle relaxers. They want me to start steroid shots. (And do physical therapy again, but I already spent most of my PTO built up this year on Sisu's vet appointment and my teeth. I need to build up more hours for things in April, a concert road trip and taking the day of the solar eclipse off because I absolutely REFUSE to miss the eclipse, when I live conveniently RIGHT in the path of totality! I can't take 4 hours off work every week because the PT only has appointments during my work schedule.)

I need to do at-home physical therapy exercises more often anyways, but I can't lay down (let alone lay on my side for 10 minutes) after eating, and by the time my stomach's done making me uncomfortably aware of the food I've eaten, I need to go to sleep.

And tomorrow, I want to watch some panels at an online convention and go grocery shopping and clean the pet cages and shower. Maybe sweep my room and do dishes. I'm still debating if I want to wake up at 10am for a panel on something I've often wondered about (thanks in large part to the name of a roller coaster at Cedar Point), but that will sacrifice about 4 hours of sleep.

Precious sleep. Which is ALWAYS a struggle working first shift. When I worked 3pm to 11pm, I slept for 9 hours every night, no problem. (I was constantly exhausted for Other reasons, but sleep wasn't the problem.) But working first shift? I have to fight my body tooth, nail, and pharmaceuticals to get it asleep before 11pm. Half the time it doesn't happen. The meds make me sleepy, but won't KEEP me asleep.

I take melatonin, L-theanine, herbal supplements (valerian and lemon balm and passionflower and lavender), magnesium citrate, and an anti-depressant and muscle relaxer, all in the desperate hopes that I MIGHT be able to sleep for 8 hours a night. (I struggle with delayed circadian disorder. It's not insomnia, because I can easily fall asleep and stay asleep if it's within my body's natural circadian rhythm. Sleeping about 1-3am, waking about 10:am to noon.)

It isn't the ADHD meds that keep me awake because, once again, due to my stomach being a Little Bitch^tm, I can only take them when I'm having Really Good Days with my stomach. Which is, at most, about 1 in 5 days. It's rare that I CAN take them 2x a week. Let alone every day.

At the core of it, if I didn't work 40 hours a week and didn't have to ride a bus for an hour each way to and from work and didn't have to wake up at 7am every day, I'd have more time and more sleep to endure and work around my stomach's issue with Being Active After Eating, and work around Needing to Sleep or I feel Dead On My Feet.

....though with the raise, maybe I'll be able to get my temps again, and once I get my license, have the budget to start paying for gas and parking downtown...? I figure that's another $200/month, at least, but even if I break even with what my cashflow is NOW, I'd get about 80 minutes of my life back every day. That actually sounds really nice...

But currently, as it stands, my schedule is perpetually packed and my body is perpetually fighting me on doing Anything Ever. =_= Not to mention, the ADHD making it really hard to overcome that executive dysfunction...

It's just frustrating, wanting to do So Much but needing 2 weeks to recover my social battery after being at a wedding for 5 hours. I can't catch up on sleep when my duplex neighbors are massive inconsiderate assholes who blast music every Saturday morning. I want to wake up a little early to hear a really interesting topic discussion tomorrow, but it comes at the cost of spending the entire next week exhausted from sleep deprivation.

Where's the Quality of Life when the amount of life you can live is so small, you can't fit a lot of Doing Things in it anyways?

Worst of all, I've been too exhausted to write, whether that's roleplaying or fic. I'm lucky if I can come up with 5 words for my Pokemon character to tag on a blog post. I can't come up with New Things Happening very often. I really desperately want to continue some Old RPs with Dove, but my brain is fried mush. It's burnt on the outside and just a gooey mess on the inside. I can't jog it enough to Imagine New Things.

I'm not exactly depressive. I'm having fun at the convention this weekend! I'm glad for the 5 words I can scrouge up on the Pokemon RP blog! I'm eating good food and stealing every minute of personal time I can get! I'm watching Teen Titans and ATLA with my roommates once a week! I only have minor complaints with my actual job duties! It's not All bad.

I'm just frustrated that working 40 hours a week is so fucking much to work around that it's a chore all its own to try fitting my life around it without sacrificing sleep health.

Fuck capitalism.

#rhs personal posts #digital mirrorbooking #build the dream #because gods if this ain't motivation....

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inevitablesurrender · 6 days ago

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Since I've already been sharpening claws on baffling S-E-related decisions today, let's talk about my very quick and extremely incomplete findings about Riku's eye color in KH3 because that is exactly the type of person I am.

Be aware: 1.) No spoilers, but one ending screen shot that'll floor Folks Who Know 2.) I am exceedingly aware that color and lighting have been adjusted post-release at least once and am currently debating the value of wiping patches/DLC just to get back to the original color/lighting for certain scenes. ...I have done this multiple times with FFXV. ...Which is why I'm hesitating now. dflgdjf 3.) The color between my TV and computer monitor is almost the same, but the TV's more saturated. That may or may not be important. 4.) I'm not even suggesting that any of this actually means anything at this point, I'm just annoyed. flgjfg

Obsession go!

Did I give in and get Re:Mind along the way, yes I did. Am I also thinking too hard about these two models ala the Sleeping Realm Theory, yes I am.

The level of blue in his eyes does seem to depend on the lighting, but there's no doubt here: they are green. ...Nomura, after every other game's consistently been startling aquamarine, I just want to talk. I just want to talk.

Amusingly-timed shot that sort of explains the "blue level depends on the lighting", because yeah, I didn't notice green at first.

But the uncertain kicker for me, and why I am pondering trying to get back here without color/lighting corrections/updates (although I'm not completely sure I can given that you were supposed to update with the initial patch as soon as you got the game so that you could get the ending, which is a whole other layer of bullshit I won't get too far into here):

Heart-punch. I don't remember them being this obviously green-green, but that's on my memory and that was years ago (but on the same TV, it must be said), so who knows. Everyone's eyes are vibrantly glowing with the lighting here, but this scene in particular has definitely been retouched. I just don't know how much and the values on various YouTube videos are different.

So in general what I'm saying is I'm probably just setting up future work for myself for no reason but... this is the void I live in.

#yammering #yammering with pictures #if you're normal about Kingdom Hearts then you're lying to yourself but you can also just scroll past #at least it's not the truck okay #moment of silence for when Schala has to hear all about this later thank you #``they're aquamarine`` is gonna be my fucking ``there are four lights`` lfjslfd

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thedistantone · 2 months ago

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Not everyone who comes to a different conclusion than you about the political dynamics and media landscape in America is some well-intentioned-but-easily-manipulated pawn of [insert Foreign adversary here]. One would think we've moved past the whole Russian Bot era of thought-terminating clichés being used to shut down all critique of the status quo, but every other day, I have to come on this website and see some condescending, middle-aged dweeb gracelessly attempting precisely that. Tedious.

Am I middle-aged? Yes. Am I a dweeb? Debatable, but I have never in my life claimed to be cool. My intention was not to be condescending (unlike you, I guess?) but I get very annoyed when people circulate bad/misrepresentative headlines and such garbage shorn of context (especially people I know who I feel like should know better, and I have had to prod even well-established journalist friends about this). Perhaps that annoyance bled more into the text than was helpful. I'm certainly very capable of being a tremendous asshole, but mostly I am too old, tired, riddled with chronic pain, and disinterested to bother being a dick on purpose.

Anyway, people can critique Bernie or whomever all they want. I don't care. He's just some dude that some people attach waaaay too much importance to. But if they're going to critique him, they should do so based on an accurate representation of what he has said and done.

Also, we're still very much in the era of bots (and now generative language models) generating output designed to sow division. They are also not the only source of propaganda that is produced. All political movements produce and trade in propaganda. There are many Leftists who openly talk about the need for the Left to create better propaganda, because we routinely get freaking squashed by the right on that front these days. There are tons of 100% real people who are not affiliated with any nation-state who produce an absolute deluge of propaganda on social media and this site. A lot of it seems to be aimed at the traditional Leftist practices of splitting hairs and establishing why no compromise or cooperation between the Judean People's Front and People's Front of Judea is possible (that's an old person reference). All of which is Very Helpful and definitely improves people's lives.

I don't particularly like propaganda, personally.

Lastly, if you don't want to see anything from middle-aged dweebs, just fucking block them without making a show of it, I guess?

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magicalyaku · 5 months ago

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I spent a week writing up my thoughts about 5 months of books, I'm so done! I want to do this, yes, doesn't make it any easier. For next year, I need to think about how I'd like to continue, but for now, here's what I read in December!

Prince and Bodyguard (Perilous Courts 4) (Tavia Lark): I like the first three books of the series, but I was very reluctant to continue reading because a different family of princes. And dragons. I don't particularly like dragons. Guess what, there's like three seconds of dragon inside this one and instead much more big talking cat (approved). Also it was less adventurous then the other volumes and more character focused, I'd say, with an attempt at political intrique that was in its complexity just right for this type of story in my opinion.

A Ferry of Bones & Gold (Soulbound 1) (Hailey Turner): I debated a long time with myself if and how I want to read this. It's seven volumes after all, quite a commitment. Well, am I glad about my decision or what. I had a grand time with this book. There's so much action omg. At the 50% mark I was like "What?! This is only half of it?? What else are you going to do?!" Because we deal with gods and immortals right from the start where other series will start small and keep those for the final! It's wild. It also often references events from the past which I think adds to the tension better than starting at the very beginning of protagonist Patrick's story and going in chronological order. Figuring out how things in the past add up is always its own little treat. I love how cranky and unapologetic Patrick is and how his relationship with Jono develops. It's a fun book and I'm looking forward to reading the next volumes! (I just need to take a bit of cooldown time before starting the second one because of its intensity.) Btw, I tried hard to remember if I've read something of similar action and insanity level before and the only thing that came up was The Tarot Sequence. :')

The Eidolon (The Magnus Archives 1) (K.D. Edwards): Did I just say The Tarot Sequence? Well, here it is. I actually bought this book as the Rainbow Crate Hardcover edition (my first and until volume 2 comes out probably my only one. (Shipping and customs to Europe are not fun)). Very pretty. The story is fun as usual, even though I had a little trouble remembering all of what happened in The Hourglass Throne to which this is set parallel to. Max and Quinn are so nice to read together. And even without remembering some of the details of the main story, it still felt familar enough to get it, if you know what I mean? All the references to the adults are also fun (What would Rune do? Brand taught me this! Rune always makes it sound so hard when it really isn't *eyeroll"). Also, unexpected ace rep, we like to see it. :)

This Fatal Kiss (Alicia Jasinska): I think I skimmed a mixed review of this, so I was a little careful and borrowed it from the library first instead of outright buying it. And guess what? I loved it! I had a lot of fun with this. I have a difficult relationship with female protagonists in my books (YA fantasy really sullied them for me), but Gisela here is just the kind of girl I can enjoy reading. A little annoying, a little cute, definitely not soppy. It helps that the male lead, Kazik, is also of the easily embarassed type, so basically two of my favorite character types together. :D I also like reading stories with Slavic folklore demons/spirits. The friendship between the girls is great (that one fight! Yes!), the way the Water Goblin cares for them (without being creepy!). It's quite wholesome. And while the stakes are only high for the specific characters, the tension is exquisite~ Everyone tries to keep their secret and you know when it comes out, there will be so much delicious drama. My only gripe is that that one specific secret is reserved for the sequel. (I thought it would be a oneshot D:). Interestingly, one review I read complained about the unclear historical time, as the setting seems a little dated but it still has busses and cameras. But it didn't disturb me at all. It felt quite natural and fitting in its way to talk about glasses and tourists, radiators, university, fashion and how it hated on tourists on bikes (loved it. Finally someone who gets me). I remember reading A Far Wilder Magic and actually being disturbed by the time of the setting, because that one felt old-fashioned but then they had condoms… (a propos, no smutty scenes in this one). I'm looking forward to the sequel and how their little three-way-romance will turn out! (And another pretty cover please!!)

Die Silbernen Schlangen (The Silvered Serpents), Die Bronzenen Bestien (The Bronzed Beasts) (The Gilded Wolves 2+3) (Roshani Chokshi): It's been 3 full years since I read the first volume. I loved it at the time but it was right at the start of my reading marathon so I got distracted with other books and didn't continue with volume 2. As a result, my memory of it was nearly non-existent … I remembered the characters at least. They made it hard, however, to like them at the start of volume 2, because they were all grieving and basically at their worst. Things got better as the plot progressed and people began to move. And then, volume 3 started in a similar fashion. After all, we have four to five characters whose feelings and thoughts need to be explored which makes it real slow sometimes. But I like the history, the logic displayed to solve the puzzles, the action sequences, the team. I think you can feel how thoughtful the story is put together, with all the threads of grander topics woven in, while still being accessible. And thinking about it, I read a lot of oneshots these days, so it was nice to read an epic story not afraid to go big (and have a really long ending sequence spanning years). It took me a while to get back into the story, but yeah, it was worth it.

How to be Ace (Rebecca Burgess): This is a graphic novel and memoir. My second of each this year, yay! I like this one because I dare say it's a common growing up story for aspec people (even if it's not at all like mine) and with its graphic novel format it's really easy and quick to read. Like, if you're aspec and want to read another person's story or if you're not, but want to know more, you can't go wrong with this one.

And that's it for 2024 for good! Keep an eye out for my summary post with the Award Ceremony for Best Books (and more) and I'll also post art again, promise. <3

#yaku reads #books #queer books #lgbtq books #queer lit #bookblr #how to be ace #perilous courts #soulbound #the magnus archives #the gilded wolves #this fatal kiss

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the-firebird69 · 2 years ago

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Trump Plans to Skip GOP Debate for Interview With Tucker Carlson - The New York Times

There's a few things going on but this guy is a nuisance an a****** and mean and he won't stop it's Non-Stop he did it tonight and he is still not stopped and he needs to go I'm putting another report in I want people to back me up when we speak to Olympus and we're going to speak in the meeting and we're going to be on a panel he says and we want people to interview us on the panel and try and figure out what we're trying to say if it's gotten to that he says and I get this you're not listening to what we're saying you think they're valuable and our son keeps telling you I am riding over them with power annoying the interesting is unnecessary I am countering his stuff going by him sometimes right over him and they looked at it and decided to take a look at it again and he found us Juliet they said they're motivated you he said he's trying to use that to go after us and he's a horrible loses and they're almost gone and we can't figure it out so they say this it means juveniles and said no we're not been running this entire realm the whole time and you're not listening to me is it something wrong so we had another meeting and he sat down and said I'm going to have a panel and you're going to interview us and ask us what it is cuz a lot of us are very close working in trying to stop them they're anti-society they're anarchists they don't hold anything together and they don't have concrete plans and they used as a threat everywhere and he said robots would otherwise should we know the answer that and they start blabbing a little then they said we sound conceded and said yes we do you feel the correct about this that people who are a nuisance and total assholes and get everybody into a rage including us our people that should be eliminated whether the wild cards or other maybe hiding people or possibly causing damage somewhere and so on and it went on and on no but they agreed to do the panel so setting it up and they're thinking about it what they're saying is where missing stuff possibly hurting people and they wanted to know more so he said we should wait till the panel cuz you always do that then it's hand packing all day long we don't have time to be henpacked about this topic ever again it takes time and you're doing it to us it's a curiosity why it keeps happening why wouldn't you know they're stupid they're dangerous they're liability so Got to it today. It is creamy filler and we're not using it for creamy filler and he goes oh yeah so we start to use it no I said pretty soon it won't be here and we won't be able to sit here and do nothing when it's most important and that caught their attention and we're moving out and getting it done and we got approval for the Giants and we had a panel less than 20 minutes and this is ridiculous for asking the same questions so he's so what you said was write it down on a shorthand form to your right and keep it with you it said no way and so they're doing it and it started to think again and it's much better the answers we have

Thor Freya

We're going to show you what we're doing

Hera Zues

Olympus

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burdenedreverence · 2 years ago

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She talks a lot.

To some it would prove a daunting thing. Annoying even. To Hayden it was simply another facet of Yoruichi, simply the nature of the beast. You didn't step into the cage with a tiger with the expectation everything would be fine. You knew the dangers and the risks, the reward might not even be worth it. Unless you where one of those masochists or thrill-seekers.

Hayden was arguably both, just not in this context.

He hated being verbose. Speaking too much. His thought process was not as focused as some so he ran the risk of rambling. He preferred to be a silent worker, to do what needed to be done. Take the hits like she said, and strike when the moment was best. And yet, he found himself in opposition to her right now.

Surely, she did not believe him the same man he was ten years ago?

He was a soldier. A man of war. A student of the art, and virtuoso in all manners of killing men. It was a skill set he cultivated and took pride in. But Desmond Hayden was on the cusp of becoming something more. No that wasn't quite right. He was something more.

"Rage itself, does not carry the day." He bites bark, as if planting his flag in the ground.

Come and take it. Yes, it was going to be that type of struggle.

One of his hands lower off his Zanpakutou, his previous posture which was that of a fighter relaxing. His hands go to make the unmistakable motion of sheathing his weapon, a silent indication he was indeed not going to attack her. That time had passed the moment she cast aside her own.

He could not say if this action was lowering himself to her level, or raising himself to her. But whatever the semantics it brought them to even footing. Unarmed, engaged in a different confrontation. The bruises and marks on his body still visible contrasted to her flawless body.

He walks towards her slowly. One foot in front of the other, crushing rocks and dirt beneath his stride as he speaks.

"But you take that rage, you bottle it. You distill it. You get something powerful, something that can turn feeble men into monsters. Topple nations. I think you know this. Bushidou or not, it works. But that ain't what this is about."

By the time he nears the end of the sentence he stands in front of her. His face is tensed, anger is still palpable. What is anger really? What is rage? That simmering feeling that boils beneath one's skin, the destructive feeling that settles in your gut. The need to inflict harm on those around you. It is that influx of strength, of power, to change things violently. Without regard for the wounds left behind.

Even now, he is struggling to bring it down. Yoruichi might have been the catalyst to spark it, but she isn't the fuel. The bottomless pit of energy that sustains his rage, it's deeper than being knocked around in a fight. Double edge blade that it is.

"We're at a strange place right now, Yoruichi. Because I should do what you say. Every sensible part of me, is telling me I should take that knee. Because I am a soldier. And I follow the lawful orders given to me."

He has never concerned himself with the why of what she does. Force of nature that he knows she is. Normally he either agrees with her, or doesn't. They have no need to have debates and arguments, for both of them are two willful to be changed. So he has to wonder why they are now at this point. He thinks he knows, internally. He thinks he knows why he needs to speak today.

"But being a soldier, requires me to be a violent man. And I've been trying to change, you see. I've been trying to not be that man anymore, because he scares me. But I miss him. I miss him so much."

Has she felt these emotions before? Looking at her now, he thinks she has. Nothing to substantiate this. Just a gut feeling.

"Truthfully. I think I'm just tired of taking orders from people. I think if I have to be that violent man, I want to do it on my own accord..."

"BECAUSE I CAN'T BE A PEACEFUL MAN! I AM NOT MADE FOR IT!"

His temper flares, a vein explodes on his neck as he roars at her.

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I FIGHT!? BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY GOD DAMNED THING WORTH DOING! BECAUSE IF I DON'T FIGHT, THEN DID I EVEN EXIST!?"

This feels good, cathartic.

"I have no titles, I have no lands, I have no history. I have no family name or pedigree, no legacy. All I have is because I fought, I stood at the front of gunfire! I died for a country not my own! I fight because it makes me feel alive! It gives me purpose!"

All the causes he ever fought for, that he killed for, he did so because he believed them just and righteous. He lifts his hands up, displaying his palms to her.

"Everything IS different once I'm mad. You want the truth, you want all the bullshit stripped away, this is what I am. Discipline isn't merely just regimentation for me."

He struggles with the next words. Because he cannot form them clearly to convey his intent.

If he gave into the rage, he'd be stronger. So much stronger. Feeding that demon, riding that lightning so to speak. But he becomes less him, less Hayden. Less human.

He is a visored. And although he does not speak of his condition, it is because he likes to not think of it. Because his Hollow is not merely something he can tame. The rage comes from somewhere.

#midnightactual #v. the mask forged by injustice . rogue shinigami

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